To make friends as a young adult, choose a setting you can attend regularly, start small conversations, and invite someone you enjoy talking with to a specific activity. Keep making room for shared time while noticing whether the interest is mutual. Research supports an association between time spent together and friendship closeness, but it does not offer a timetable that guarantees a friend (Jeffrey A. Hall, published online in 2018 in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships).
If you have moved, finished studying, or started working from home, begin with the opportunities actually available to you. You can want a close friendship while making your first goal much smaller: finding someone you would like to see again.
Why making friends as an adult can require planning
Look at an ordinary week. Where do you meet people, and where is there time to talk? If the answer is mostly work meetings, errands, and solitary evenings, you may need to create an opening in your schedule before expecting a friendship to develop.
Check what you can attend without straining your budget or schedule. Consider travel, shift patterns, caring responsibilities, accessibility, and how much social time you want. A nearby activity you can return to may fit better than a group you rarely have time to visit.
You also do not have to recreate a large school or university friendship group. Decide what you are looking for now: someone to walk with, people who share an interest, or a friendship with room for more personal conversation. Those needs can guide where you look.
How long does it take to make a friend?
Hall examined adults who had recently moved and first-year university students in two studies. More shared time was associated with greater closeness; in the adult study, leisure time was also associated with closeness. The paper appeared online in 2018 and in a 2019 issue (Hall, Journal of Social and Personal Relationships).
The University of Kansas’s 2018 summary of Hall’s research described rough estimates of 40–60 hours for a casual friendship, 80–100 hours for friendship, and more than 200 hours for a closer friendship. These refer to total shared time, not extra hours to add at each stage (Hall, 2018/2019, Journal of Social and Personal Relationships).
These are estimates from particular samples, not requirements. Hall’s paper reports different estimates across samples and periods, and notes limitations in people’s recall of shared hours. The findings are observational: closer friends may also choose to spend more time together. They do not establish a universal causal threshold (Hall, 2018/2019, Journal of Social and Personal Relationships).
Use the findings as a reason to leave room for another meeting. Do not count every minute or judge a relationship against an hourly target.
Where to find new friends
Choose a place for the activity as well as the people. Before attending, check whether newcomers are welcome, what participation costs, and whether you can comfortably return.
| Setting | What to check | An easy conversation opening |
| A recurring class or hobby group | Beginner access and a schedule you can manage | How did you get started with this? |
| A volunteer group | Clear tasks, accessibility, and regular sessions | Have you volunteered here before? |
| A walking or recreational sports group | Pace, location, and whether beginners can join | Do you usually come to this session? |
| A library or community event | Time for conversation and future meetings | What interested you in this event? |
| An online interest community | Moderation, participation rules, and recurring activities | Is there a regular group session I could join? |
If nothing local fits, look for a recurring online activity where participants talk to each other, such as a small creative group or cooperative game session. Check the format before joining: a discussion group offers a different opportunity from a feed you mainly scroll through.
At work, respect that a friendly colleague may prefer to keep the relationship professional. Invite them to an optional break or activity without making their answer affect how you treat them at work.
How to make new friends in six practical steps
Choose something you can return to
Start with one activity that fits your week and interests. Ask the organiser how newcomers join, then plan your next visit if the setting feels suitable.
Returning gives you another chance to continue a conversation. You can remember a name, recognise someone you spoke with, or ask how a shared project is going. If a group is unwelcoming or inaccessible, look for a better fit rather than treating attendance as an obligation.
Start with the situation you share
An opening can be ordinary: ask about the activity, introduce yourself, or comment on something happening around you. Try, “I’m new here. How does this usually work?”
Give the person space to answer. If they are occupied, offering short responses, or turning away, politely leave the conversation there. You can speak to someone else or try again at a more convenient moment.
Listen and share something of your own
Follow the conversation they offer. If someone mentions a hobby, ask what they enjoy about it, then share a related interest or experience of your own. Avoid turning an introductory chat into a series of personal questions.
If you leave thinking you sounded awkward, remember that you do not yet know how the other person experienced the conversation. Boothby, Cooney, Sandstrom, and Clark found that participants underestimated how much conversation partners liked them across several settings (2018, Psychological Science). This “liking gap” is a group-level finding, not evidence that a particular person wants a friendship. It is a reason to avoid treating your self-criticism as a reliable account of their opinion.
Make a specific invitation
When you enjoy talking with someone, suggest an activity connected to what you already share. Include enough detail for them to decide, and make declining easy.
After a group session, try: “I’ve enjoyed chatting. Would you like to get a coffee after next week’s class?”
For a free option: “I’m walking around the park on Saturday morning. Would you like to join me?”
For an online acquaintance: “Would you be interested in joining the next group game session together?”
These are sample phrases to adapt. Use your own words and suggest something you would like to do.
Follow up while leaving room for an answer
If you agree to meet, confirm the details through a contact method you both choose. Keep the first plan manageable, especially when money, travel, or energy is limited.
If someone declines but suggests another time, you can work with that. If they are unavailable and offer no alternative, you can reply, “No problem—see you at the next session,” and leave the invitation there.
Avoid repeatedly messaging to get an explanation. Accept that this plan is not going ahead without assuming you know why. You can keep meeting other people and deciding whom you would like to invite again.
Notice whether the effort becomes mutual
Look beyond who sends the first message. Does the person engage when you talk, follow through on plans, suggest alternatives, or make space for you? Mutual interest can take different forms.
You do not need to calculate an equal split of invitations. If your invitations repeatedly receive little engagement, step back from arranging plans and try other connections. Respect an explicit no.
Keep your own boundaries too. You can decline an expensive outing, ask to meet somewhere accessible, or say that you are unavailable. A friendship should have room for both people’s circumstances.
I do not have friends and do not know where to start
Start by naming the immediate obstacle. Having few opportunities to meet people requires a different next step from meeting people regularly but never inviting anyone to spend time together.
If your week is isolated, look for a recurring activity. If you already know people casually, choose someone you would enjoy talking with again and offer a modest invitation. If there is an old acquaintance you miss, send a message that refers to your shared history and asks whether they would like to catch up.
You can also ask someone you know whether there is a group activity you could join. You do not need to conceal that you are looking to meet people, and you do not have to give a detailed explanation of your social life.
Having no close friends now does not tell you why. Ask whether you need more opportunities to meet people, a way to follow up, or help with something that makes social situations difficult. Choose a next step that addresses that particular obstacle.
Making friends when you are introverted or anxious
If you prefer quieter interaction, choose a small group, a shared task, or a short meeting with one person. Plan a way to leave at a comfortable time. You can be interested in friendship without enjoying crowded parties.
If fear repeatedly stops you from doing things you want or need to do, consider discussing it with a clinician. The NHS describes social anxiety as more than shyness and advises seeking help when it has a substantial impact on your life (NHS, 2023, Social anxiety). You do not need to diagnose yourself from how one event went.
The same NHS guidance suggests breaking challenging situations into smaller parts and focusing on what people are saying rather than assuming the worst. It lists cognitive behavioural therapy and guided self-help among treatment options (NHS, 2023). A clinician can help assess what is happening if fear or avoidance keeps restricting your life.
A manageable plan for the next few weeks
Use this as an example of how to organise your effort. It is not a validated programme or a promise that you will have a close friend by the end.
- Choose an opportunity. Find a recurring activity, check its practical details, and attend if it fits. Introduce yourself to someone or ask the organiser how to participate.
- Continue a conversation. Return when you can. Say hello to someone you recognise and ask about something you discussed previously.
- Offer a small invitation. If you enjoy the interaction, suggest a walk, coffee, or another shared activity. Accept their answer without pressure.
- Review the fit. Ask whether you liked being there, could afford to return, and felt respected. Continue, adjust the plan, or try a different setting.
If your schedule changes, adapt the sequence. At the end, note what you tried, what was manageable, and what you would change. Whether someone accepts an invitation is partly their decision; it is not something you can arrange by following these steps.
How to keep a new friendship going
After a good meeting, say you enjoyed it and suggest another plan if you want to. Remember details the person chooses to share, and ask about them when you next talk.
Let personal conversations develop at a pace that feels comfortable to both of you. You can share something meaningful without revealing everything at once. If you disagree, speak directly and leave room for the other person to respond.
Our guide to signs of a healthy relationship and how to build them discusses respect, independence, and communication in romantic relationships. Keep those qualities in mind when considering what you want from a friendship too.
Choose plans you can sustain. A free walk or occasional call is a reasonable alternative to outings that strain your budget. If you need to cancel, tell the person and offer another time when possible.
Frequently asked questions
Look for a setting you can return to and participate in, such as a class, volunteer group, or shared hobby. When you enjoy talking with someone, suggest spending time together outside that setting. Choose opportunities that fit your current schedule rather than trying to reproduce university life.
Start near your home, workplace, or a route you already travel. Check community calendars for recurring activities, then ask whether newcomers can join. If you know someone locally, ask about a group event they would feel comfortable inviting you to.
There is no single explanation you can infer from having few friends. Review your opportunities to meet people, whether you follow up, and whether the settings suit you. If fear or distress is making daily life difficult, consider discussing that with a professional.
Begin with a manageable interaction, such as introducing yourself during a shared task or asking about the activity. You can prepare an opening and keep the conversation brief. If the fear is persistent and affects your life, the NHS social anxiety guidance (2023) recommends seeking help.
No fixed number applies to everyone. The more-than-200-hour estimate was part of a summary of Hall’s findings by the University of Kansas (2018). It describes total shared time in the research, not a required amount you must complete before someone can be a close friend.
Yes, a friendship can be maintained through messages, calls, or shared online activities. Consider whether you both participate willingly and respect each other’s boundaries. If you decide to meet in person, choose a public place and keep control of your travel arrangements.
You cannot reliably know the reason from silence alone. If a reply is needed to confirm a plan, one brief follow-up is reasonable; repeated messages are not necessary. Leave room for them to respond and continue pursuing other connections.
Start with the kind of connection you want, such as a friend to spend time with or someone you can talk to more personally. Consider whether your relationships feel respectful and manageable. You can work toward one friendship without needing to build a large group.
Bottom line
Choose one setting you can return to, speak with someone you enjoy, and offer a specific invitation when it feels appropriate. Make room for another meeting while respecting both people’s interest and limits. If persistent fear is restricting your life, seek support alongside your efforts to meet people.
